Deuce Bigalow European Mangina

I watched Deuce Bigalow European Gigolo a few days ago. I am still laughing. Yes, yes, yes I know, it sucks and got bad reviews. I can't help it. The way it turns around the business of whoring and makes it a man's enterprise is hilarious. Words like....Mangina, he-bitch, man-whore, and prosti-dude roll off the actors tongues without so much as a grin. A man's private parts aren't referred to as you would expect. Instead the one-eyed wonder worm is referred to as a "he pussy". Still laughing.

So why the studly picture you ask?? Well this lovely specimen is a member of the European Man Whore Union. At least he is on Deuce Bigalow. His character's name is Assapopulus Mariolis, the Greek Love God. Indeed, I say....Good Day Sir!!! I find myself craving olive oil for some strange reason. Hey I like Feta Cheese too!!

Anyway....if you have a few hours to kill and need some low brow humor to pick you up, rent the movie. Don't buy it. It has a limited audience. It's probably not something you would want to see a million times, but seeing it once is hilarious.

Nollaig Shona Duit

I am just sitting here listening to Ave Maria and thinking of all the good things in my life. My children, my work, and my friends both old and new. I am fortunate and blessed beyond any measure. Tomorrow I will drive up to Kentucky and celebrate Christmas in the special way our family does. Going home always feels like stepping back in time. It feels like a comfortable worn blanket that keeps you warm better than all the newer blankets.

To all my friends and family out there, I wish a joyful Holiday Season.

Nollaig Shona Duit (Irish for Merry Christmas)

Christmas Thoughts

I am sitting at home alone tonight, my mind wandering back to Ireland. My last visit was nearly two long years ago. I miss it so. This time of year reminds me of Christmas and New Year's in Ireland. I remember drinking in an Irish Pub with one of my best friends in the world. Both he and I wanted to get out for New Year's Eve after a week of not getting out much due to the weather. We went to small cute pub in Douglas Village outside of Cork. While there we met three other people, two girls from New Jersey, and a guy from London. We all ended up sitting at ajoining tables. We danced, we sang, and we drank until well past midnight. A lifetime's worth of memories in one night. Whenever I feel cold misty rain on my face I think back to that time.

I am sitting here now, listening to Van Morrison's "Into the Mystic" and remembering. I wonder if I will ever get back there. I wonder if it will be the same as I remember or if nostalgia has made it more shiny and brilliant to me over time. Maybe both.

Listen Up!!

Listen up all you wire tapping, eves dropping, privacy invading dictators. I wasn't born yesterday. I have no illusions that this type of thing has gone on for many years through many administrations. But, you know, I have a really hard time believing that this wire tapping stuff is being used exclusively for national security. Don't we have some mid term elections coming up soon? Wouldn't it just be the handiest thing to tap someone's phone on the opposing party? How many innocent people do you have to victimize before you find the one person who might be doing something wrong?

I'm going to say a really radical thing now...I believe that you are creating a atmosphere of fear and suspicion. While everyone is looking at everyone else and wondering if they could be the terrorist, who's looking at you? Who's watching as you, Condi, and tricky Dick slowly lull us into giving up our precious freedom? I'll tell you who....I am, the Dali is, and a host of others who didn't fall victim to your fear mongering ways.

Now I'm not saying that I don't lose a little freedom everyday. There are things like the health insurance company that administrates my health insurance. They can get my medical records without my permission, all in the name of paying a claim. Any self respecting hacker can get access to my financial information. I know these things. Somehow though it feels worse when it's my own government turning on me. It seems more wrong, more violating and more ironic. Weird how the self proclaimed bringer of democracy in the Middle East is actually taking away those democratic freedoms.

A Love Letter to Men

I have come to a time in my life where I am dealing with the fact that I may never marry again. It isn't for lack of dating. It is because I have reached a point in my life where I am educated, somewhat financially stable (as much as one can be as a single mom) and established in who I am. Because I am those things I am more picky than ever before in my life. Have I ever been close to finding "the guy". Well, yes, I have been but we have a country or two between us.

I recently read a blog where the writer asked for guys to tell girls what their idea of a good Christmas present would be. In that same tradition I offer my ideas of what we women are looking for. So, as a public service, I write this "love letter" to men.

Here's what I, and I dare say, many women would like to see from men.

1) I don't want a man that straps deer antlers to the hood of his car during deer season.
2) I don't want a man that decorates his Christmas tree with NASCAR ornaments (actually seen this one)
3) I don't want a man that does the "2 second pecker check" all day. You know, guys that are always feeling their crotches to make sure that little Willy Wonka is still there. Note to guys: IT'S STILL THERE STOP CHECKING
4) I don't want a man that burps or farts the alphabet.
5) I don't want a man whose idea of foreplay is saying, "You want a little somethin' somethin"
6) I DO want a man who actually will buy me flowers. (for God's sake is it really that hard?)
7) I DO want a man who helps with the house and chores.
8) I DO want a man who can pick out his own clothes to wear to work.
9) I DO want a man who will take care of me when I don't feel good.
10) I DO want a man who wants to go out and do things and not stay in all day burping and farting the alphabet with his friends.

Seems really easy doesn't it? Don't be fooled! Finding those things together in one man is damned near impossible. If a man is capable of this then he really is a catch!

To Torture Or Not To Torture...Is That Really The Question?

Lately, I have been really awed by the debate on the torture of POWs in American custody. We, freedom loving Americans, are having a debate on whether or not to torture a fellow human being. How did we get this corrupt? Did it happen slowly or all at once? I still can't believe it. John Stewart of Comedy Central's "The Daily Show" said it best. He said, "Are we really doing this?"

You know, I'm not saying that I was ever so stupid to believe that either side ever adhered to the edicts of the Geneva Conventions. The Geneva Conventions are regarded as more of a suggestion by most countries. But, come on people, Bush won't sign anything that says that foreign prisoners will not be mistreated or tortured. HE WON'T SIGN IT!!! He says it ties the hands of the CIA. I say...GOOD, it's about damn time someone put some restrictions on the CIA. They have had "the run of the house" for far too long. I have always thought with the way the human mind works, bribes would be much more successful than torture. What have we become? We are nothing less than monsters.

We have always held ourselves to a higher standard in this country. We encourage integration of the races, equal pay for equal work, free education for all children regardless of race or ability to pay, and the right to worship or not worship as one sees fit. These are only a few, very few, of the things we pride ourselves on in the country. A debate on if we torture prisoners should not even exist. There should be no question. This is not what America is about, but it is what George Bush would have us become.

Stop and think about the differences between us and the terrorists. All they want is a place where their God is the only God...a place where objectionable things (as defined by them) are not allowed and punishment is given to all those who don't comply. They would have schools be religiously oriented and would raise their children as "God's chosen". Gee whiz, am I talking about them or us? Sadly those statements apply to both sides.

Things That Make You Go Hummmm.......

I have discovered a really cool site. It's called www.crazythoughts.com. People write in and contribute questions that they've always had but never found an answer for. So, on a lighter side, I give you things that I also find confusing. Why do we do the things we do?

1) If a stripper gets breast implants, is it a tax deductible expense?

2)How come your fingers and toes get wrinkly in the shower but nothing else does?

3)Doesn't a lightening rod on top of a church show a lack of faith?

4)How do "Do Not Walk On The Grass" signs get there?

5)Do bald people get dandruff?

6)Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine" on a nudist beach?

7)Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?

8)Are children who act in "R" rated movies allowed to see them?

9)Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

10)Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but if God talks back we are put in the looney bin?

11)Why do we say "back and forth" when you must first go forth to go back?

12)What direction does a compass point in space?

Well, I could go on and on but you should check out the site yourselves.

Mommy You Taught Me Better Than That!!

My oldest daughter is one of those people who will change the world. She hates cruelty to anything. She openly protests the Iraq War and has even made it her school social studies project. She is only 12 yrs old. I raised her to be a strong young lady. Proud to be female and aware of the power within her to change things she sees as wrong. Sometimes all that passion is turned on me, but in a way, I am proud to see that she questions the status quo even with her own family.

Now she has presented me with a quagmire of mammoth proportions. From the time my children were born, I have forbid any hate speech around them. Even so far as to take them away from relatives telling racist jokes or referring to people by racist names. I have always counseled them that hate begets more hate. Everyone is equal. So now my daughter tells me that she has a "boyfriend" who is black. He seems a nice enough person but he hangs out with other boys that like gansta rap, who wear clothes that seem too always be getting them in trouble with the school administration. I truly believe, in time, this group of boys will end up on the wrong side of society. But I also worry that her own peer group will assign a bad reputation to her. If a white girl dates a black boy she is labeled damaged goods. She is kicked out of the "club" so to speak. This reputation is one that tends to stick with a girl all the way through high school. I don't want this to happen to her.

As you can imagine this has spawned explosive arguments between us. I no doubt believe that it probably strengthens her ties to him. She calls me a racist, and to some extent I am acting that way. But at some point an idea, no matter how well intentioned, must fall to wayside if it endangers your child. It is quite a quagmire, my personal beliefs on race versus my love for my daughter. I would be curious to know what everyone thinks. Be honest, even if I won't like it. Honesty is more valuable to me that any thing else.

Enemy Mine

Every government that prepares for war paints its adversaries as monsters, she said. "They don't want you thinking of the other side as human. If the enemy can think and feel, you might hesitate to kill them. And killing is very important. Better to see them as monsters.

"Part I, 'The Message', Chapter 9, 'The Numinous'-Carl Sagan

I have observed the politics of the last few months with curiosity. It seems that thing which was our enemy a year ago is not our enemy now. Iraq was portrayed as evil, often portrayed as the Antichrist of countries. The origin of all of America's woes. Now, after many months of seeing dying children, crying mothers, and lost families, we don't see them as anything but human now. So we look around for the true cause of our misery. We have found that cause at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, sitting in his fat chair in the Oval Office. George Bush's country is turning on him. The crosshairs of America are set on him. I hope that it stays that way.

We are a fickle race. The titles of friend and enemy are easily exchanged for one another. It seems that perception and, yes, peer pressure have a lot to do with who gets each title. I have asked my brother-in-law, a die hard Republican, why he hates liberals so much. His answer is always, "Because I do". In other words, he doesn't know why, he just hates them. How many people out there can't stand a person but don't know why? That's peer pressure hate. I have been a victim of it myself. You think if everyone doesn't like this person there must be a good reason for it. Friends are different. We usually like someone and call them friend because of something they have done for us. They compliment us on our hair, clothes, or beauty. They drive us around so we don't have to drive. Well, you get the idea. It's totally self motivated, isn't it?

What I'm trying to say is that whether someone is our friend or enemy is largely a matter of how they make us feel. So, in the beginning, George W. made us feel patriotic, self righteous, and better than the rest of the world. Now because of the undeniable truth, he makes us feel guilty, ashamed, and embarrassed. That is why the country is turning on him. He made us look stupid in front of the rest of the world.