Coming Out of the Closet

In honor of All Hallow's Eve I present my personal views of religion, God, and the like. About 10 years ago, give or take a couple of years, I decided that I would find out as much as I could about this God stuff. So I devoured every book, lecture, and discussion I could on religion and spirituality. I studied the origins of Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, and just about every faith that had a book written on it. Of particular interest were the Native American beliefs and the Toltec religion of South America. The first part of my spiritual education took 5 years. I read and attended lectures/readings every chance I had during my time off from work. It was one of the most enlightening and worthwhile things I have ever done. It makes me proud to know that I stayed the course and learned all that I could.

So, you may be wondering what conclusions I came up with after all this study. Well, there were several effects on me. The first one being that I can probably never belong to any organized religion. Organized religion is nothing more than a male dominated power hierarchy. It kills, suppresses and controls everyone within it. The second conclusion is that there is a God. A God that is unrecognizable by today's standards, but a divine consciousness all the same. I believe that this consciousness can only be found within each of us. It does not require the intervention of man to be known. In other words, churches, societies, covens, etc are wholly unnecessary. Their only purpose is to create yet another power structure by which they can control the thoughts, desires, and sexuality of their members.

Basically I have become a Mystic of sorts. A Mystic that believes that we do not know everything that can be known. As a species, we are still young and learning. We interpret this world through our five senses. Anyone who has studied human anatomy knows that our senses are very limited when compared to many other species, yet we think we know everything. How do we know that things don't exist outside the realm of what our senses can measure? We don't know, yet we arrogantly assume that if we can't see it, then it isn't there. Often we look at history and laugh at the ignorance of our ancestors. We wonder how they could think the world was flat. How could they not think that infections were caused by bacteria? Our ancestors thought because they couldn't see it, then it didn't exist.

I believe that more exists than is known now. What do you think?

Malignant Self Love

I had an interesting conversation with The Dali today. He was discussing his therapist's evaluation of narcissism and the people we work with. It got me wondering. Am I narcissitic? My first response would be yes, I am. I think we all are to some extent. So when does narcissism become "Malignant Self Love"? When is it too much? I don't know the answer to those questions.

So, I did some research. What I found out is that narcissism becomes too much when it keeps you from feeling compassion for another person. Another common trait is the inability to think of anyone else but yourself without any regard for the consequences of your actions. With those criteria, it would appear that a good chunk of the population have the disorder. I am sure that the highest concentration of narcissitic people can be found at my company. Believe me, they're all there.

I am not a therapist by trade, but I think if I were, narcissitic personality disorder would be the bread and butter of my practice. Have you ever asked yourself if you have it?

Mama Said There Would Be Days Like This

Today was a bad day. Not just a little bad, but sucky to the infinity exponent, bad. The kind of day that makes you want to go home and never return. But I will return because I have to and because I haven't won the lottery or inherited any money in the last few hours. I normally don't write about work because I find it boring reading material. But not today, today was different. So....in honor of the sucky day and those who have sucky days on a regular basis...I give you Celtic Lass' Funny But Sadly True List......

1)It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them. Alfred Adler

2)Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercouse, yet he has left it out of his heaven. Mark Twain

3)A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. Helen Rowland

4)A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce. Don Quinn

5)Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Oscar Wilde (my personal favorite)

6)Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting. Billy Rose

7)Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river. Cordel Hull

8)A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking. Arthur Block

9)What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. Richard Harkness (Can I get an AMEN!!!)

10)The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations. David Friedman

Aren't they all soooooo true?

Fear Factor

I heard something the other day that I have long suspected. While listening to "Dr. Drew", an actual MD who specializes in Sexual Health and Addiction Medicine (quite the combo huh?), I was amazed to hear him say that he thought that men had a biologically programmed hostile response to homosexuality. As a women, I have always thought that the crude and sometimes violent reaction of hetero men to homo men, was just weird. A disproportionate reaction to something that was not a threat. You don't see women running around threatening to kill homosexual men, so why do hetero men do it? Well we may now know why it happens. Hetero men are biologically prone to hostile reactions by their genetics. A study was done with several hetero men who were shown pictures of nude male subjects. While they were shown the pictures, they were being monitored by PET scanning and galvanic sensors (skin sensors that measure stress responses). All the men, and I mean ALL the men, showed aggressive threat responses. The same responses that they would show if their safety was being threatened. Curious, huh?

Through the years, I have come to realize that in the nature versus nurture debate, that it is nature that wins. Nurture can account for about 20% of our personality, but most is genetics. Twin studies support my hypothesis. We are born with a blue print of who we are and what we will become. We are not the blank slate originally thought. I believe all men exhibit this aggressive reaction to homosexual men according to their biology, but it is the 20% nurture part that dictates whether or non they will act on that threat.

I loved the picture. Wouldn't you change your name if it were Willie Stroker?

Photophobic Eagles

Today has been a draining day. A good friend has left to pursue her dream and I am happy for her. It's a beautiful thing when a plan comes together even if it does take someone out of your life.

So, I don't feel much like a serious post tonight. I feel more like being silly,enough serious stuff for one day. I dedicate this post to my brave friend, JR, and to my sarcastic yet witty friend, Dali. A few weeks ago, the Dali and I were having a conversation about music. Specifically, the song "White Room" by Cream. I asked Dali what "the station" was in the song. He, in his usual helpful way, said something like..."look it up". Over the next few days I looked and looked for the answer. I found nothing specific about "the station". However, I did find the correct lyrics for the song. I have been butchering the song hideously for my entire life.

Tonight, I give you the Cream version and the Celtic Lass (my) version for your entertainment pleasure. Keep in mind that this is how I sang the song for years. I didn't think all the lyrics were correct. I just didn't think they were that wrong.

Cream's White Room Lyrics

In the white room with black curtains near the station.
Black-roof country, no gold pavements, tired starlings.
Silver horses run down moonbeams in your dark eyes.
She's just dressing, goodbye windows, tired starlings.

And I'll wait in this place where the sun never shines;
Wait in this place where the shadows run from themselves.

You said no strings could secure you at the station.
Platform ticket, restless diesels, goodbye windows.
As I walked in such a bad time at the station.
As I walked out, felt my own needs just beginning.
And I'll wait in the queue when the trains come back;
Lie with you where the shadows run from themselves


Celtic Lass' Version (me)

In a white room with black curtains there's a station.
Black-hoof rumble, gold payments, tired dickheads.
Silver horses run down beasts in your dark house.
She's gets dressed in the windows, tired dickheads.

And I'll wait in this place where the sun never shines;
Wait in this place where the eagles run from the sun.

You said no strings could secure you to the station.
Platform yadda yadda yadda, goodbye windows.
As I walked I had a bad time at the station.
As I walked out, felt my own needs just beginning.

And I'll wait for you when the train's on its back;
Lie with you where the eagles run from the sun.

I Don't Like Anything That Much

Today at work, we managed to work around to my least favorite subject...Sushi. Cold, nasty, raw, and parasite ridden Sushi. How can anyone eat it? Once man discovered fire, Sushi should have went bye-bye. The list of Sushi related infections is not very long. Some people mistakenly think a short list means a small risk of infections. That's wrong. Some of the longest nematodes on record came from the guts of humans who ate Sushi and Sashimi. The picture on the left is from a Sushi borne infection called Anisakiasis, the most common Shushi related parasitic infection.

To the right is the lovely Diphyllibothrium Latum
aka Liver Fluke. This is common is people who eat fresh water Sushi. Yummy for my tummy! People who contract this beautiful specimen are at high risk for death. A nasty complication, don't you think?

So, as for me, I will wash, rinse, and cook the hell out of my food. I don't wish to add the title "host" to my list of credentials.

Have a lovely dinner!

The Ideal Mate

When I was in my 20's it seemed that there was a cornucopia of men to choose from. There were tall ones, short ones, round ones, ugly ones and not-so-ugly ones. Men were available and willing to have relationships. I had no worries in the love department.

Well, back to present day. I'm in my mid thirties and divorced. This time the scene is totally different. Sometime before my divorce was final the Rapture happened and all the men were caught up in the clouds, the single, non-defective men, that is. The men that I meet now all carry more baggage than a flight to Europe. So, I wonder what's different, what happened? Then I realize the awful truth, I'm different. Sometime before the Rapture, but after I left college, I grew up. I became independent, self-sufficient, and able to be alone without feeling alone.....damn it!

Dating when you're 30-something is a wake-up call as well. I have dated doctors, engineers, computer geeks, lawyer (that was a really bad one), and several psychologists. So you think, "Oh that's nice." No it isn't. Sadly, the amount of education a man has is not proportional to amount of maturity he has (or anything else he has either).....just kidding...sort of..

Here's what I've learned from this experience. First....the view of the world and your place in it will define your social life. If you think that a day spent at a tractor pull is the highlife, then be prepared when all of your potential mates prefer you wear a tube top and spit tobacco. So don't complain when that's all you can find. Secondly....no matter what men say, they don't like a strong, independent female. If you go this route, be prepared to spend time alone. The few men out there that like women like us all have boyfriends. This was the hardest of the lessons for me to learn. Lastly...you can't wait for a boyfriend/husband to live your life. If there's a movie you want to see, then see it. If there's a place you want to go, then travel there.

Life is short and it should be lived. End of lecture....

Magic and Reason

"What man is capable of leaving an edifice on whose construction he has spent all his life, even though that edifice is his own prison? It is difficult to get rid of it in one day."
-Kahlil Gibran

I am sitting here listening to one of my favorite songs, "Silence" by Delerium and Sarah McLaughlin. In the song, she thinks aloud, "In this Silence, I believe" then "I get caught up when the rage in me subsides". No matter how many times I hear the song, I can't help but stop what I'm doing and listen. It's the story of many of us. We want to believe in something greater but just can't find a reason for it's existence.

I must say, I see a search for the magical in this world. We all want to see something magical, mystical, unbelievable. Something that makes us think that we could "get caught up". Just like the song. No person is immune to this desire for the mystical, even me. I have found myself pondering things like the existence of life after death. I have often thought that as humans, we can only see a small part of the visible spectrum, so wouldn't it be possible to exist outside the senses? Is there a whole world that we can't sense, therefore, we deny it's existence? The explorer in me wants that to be true. I almost need it to be true.

I pose this question to you....If we can't prove it, does it mean it doesn't exist?

Salute to Chuck Yeager

Oh Chucky, Chucky, Chucky how you've made a difference in the lives of so many people! A WWII fighter pilot, a test pilot, and one of the first astronauts in the newly minted American Space Program. How proud you must be of your crowning achievement....the inventor of Yagermeister! I salute you!

Just kidding. I have endured many jokes, barbs and the like from my so-called friends and co-workers about my misspelling of Jagermeister. Yes, I know it's Jagermeister and not Yagermeister. Oh, and by the way, the next person who makes fun of me can damn buy me some!

Back to your regularly scheduled program.....

An Open Letter to Jesus

Dear Jesus,

I got some questions. I want to know why you look like W (that's the first question). Of course I want to know why there is war, famine, disease, and hate. Those are heavy questions and if you need time to get back to me, I'll understand.

On the lighter side, what is up with Pat Robertson? Is he really that stupid or does he want free publicity? What about Bill Frist? I know you can't be responsible for that one. Perhaps it is better to accuse the black sheep of the universe for ole Bill. Oh, yeah, Tom Delay, he ain't right. Could you maybe find him a nice little Abby somewhere where he would just leave us all alone? He has some some friends that he owes money to, he would be happy to "disappear".

Lastly, please send a Holy Memo or something to the damn people here in the country and tell them that you didn't send the Hurricanes, let alone use the storms to kill gays. They all forget about that whole "free will" clause in the Holy Contract. They forget that we are responsible for our own actions. They actually think that their agenda is yours.

Well, gotta go get the kids ready for bed now. I look forward to hearing your response.

Deanna

Egomaniacs Unite!!!

I have to admit, I find this whole blog thing rather self serving. I just go on and on and on about things that are important to me and think that the rest of the world gives a flying fart. But it's therapeutic in a way as well. It's like a cheap therapy session. I tell the world about life's quagmires and get a bit of catharsis. Really, it's not a bad deal.

One thing that I find particularly unsettling is that there are an incredible number of egomaniacs out there with no idea what they are talking about. I will admit right now...the older I get, the more I realize what an idiot I am. I know nothing. Things that I once dismissed now simply amaze me. I can not say with any certainty, that there is no God, nor can I say he exists. However, I can say that organized religion of any kind is a scourge on the human race. It eats at us like a cancer. George Carlin once said that God was the leading cause of death throughout human history. He is correct. I don't know the hate-loving God that the Southern Baptist Convention would have me know. But....I digress.....

As I get older I realize what a miracle the everyday world is. The delicate balance of life and death, of light and dark, of need and supply. It is all truely a ballet of nature even down to the cellular and molecular levels. Well, back to my dishes and the end of this stream of consciousness.

By the way....Ms. Socollama....this is for you...go ahead girl, go ahead git down....

Why I'm not a Marxist

Back in the late '80's to early '90's, I was a student at Lincoln Memorial University. While at LMU, I read a lot of books by people who claimed to "know the way". Now..."the way" is different for everyone. For some, it is religious, for others, it can be found money. The way, for Karl Marx, was found in working the crap out of other people. I don't claim to understand everything Karl Marx ever wrote. But what I do understand makes me scratch my head and say WTF? Here's a lovely tidbit of "The Karl's" writing.

"The mode of production of material life conditions the social, political and intellectual life process in general. It is not the consciousness of men that determines their being, but, on the contrary, their social being that determines their consciousness."

Karl Marx, Preface to the Contribution to the Critique of Political Economy, Abstract

My response to that is, again, WTF? What was he smoking? Can I have some? Marxism is really popular on college campuses. It gives people who might not have a political home, a place to hang their hat. It also allows them a claim to uniqueness, something we all want. In reality, Marxism is like one of those things you do in college that you quickly forget once you get into the "real world". I put it in the same category as Wicca and Yagermeister. It's one of those experimental college things.

Just a little interesting fact....the vast majority of Marxist are men. Wonder why women aren't as attracted to a political theory where the common man works for the glory of another....oh...wait we do that already, it's called MARRIAGE.