Bumper Sticker Philosophy

I have developed a bit of a "bumper sticker philosophy" over the years. Like the bumper sticker on the right. It's a little blurry so I'll tell you what it says. It says, "Jesus Loves You, But I Still Think You're a Cunt." I love this bumper sticker. Why, you ask? Because it's honest. Not the pretentious crap you usually see on the bumpers of cars. Based on my bumper sticker philosophy I will interpret some common stickers for you now.

"Real Men Love Their Wives" Meaning...I'm boning my secretary, don't tell my wife.

"Real Men Love Jesus" Meaning...I'm boning the Church Secretary, don't tell my wife or Jesus.

"R.I.P. No. 3" Meaning...I love NASCAR, PBR beer, Duct Tape, and hunting things while smelling like deer urine.

"W" Meaning...I love NASCAR, PBR Beer, Duct Tape, and hunting things while smelling of deer urine. I also think education is incredibly over rated.

"It's a Child, Not a Choice" Meaning...I don't support abortion, sex education, condoms, or hygiene or women's rights. I also don't support state sponsored early childhood education, welfare, free lunch programs at schools, or free health care. I want the women to have their babies but I won't help raise them.

"Don't Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons, For You Are Tasty and Crunchy With Ketchup" Meaning...I have no life or no girlfriend. I still play Dungeons and Dragons and live with my mom even though I'm 42. I spend most of my weekends surfing Internet porn sites. I'm pretty sure that Sheila from "Horny Shemales" loves me. I will marry him/her one day.

"My Child is an Honor Student but My President is a Moron" Meaning...How in the hell did I end up in East Tennessee?

If you were offended by the post above, I offer no apologies. I gladly exercise my first amendment rights to free speech and telling the truth. You can always go watch Fox News if you need a Right Wing fix.