A Republican Invitation

Though I have never received a formal invitation to join the Republican Party, I imagine that it might read something like this.....

The Republican Party, the Grand Old Party, the Party of George W. Bush and the great Senator Joseph McCarthy invite you to be a member. Party members enjoy many advantages not afforded to other political parties. Advantages such as foreign "rebuilding" opportunities, foreign monopoly marketing, and exclusive rights to many Arab oil fields. You are indeed lucky to be chosen to be a part of such an exclusive prestigious group. The Republican Party is very picky when it comes to inviting new members. But, we're only sub-human, we make mistakes. For that reason, the Party has chosen to list the following membership limitations. Your invitation is revoked if you are included in the list. Excluded are

1) gays - Gays are not welcome in the Republican Party. If you are gay and want to be a Republican, you must not talk gay, dress gay, or smell gay(no Tomy cologne) in the presence of any party member. You are to have a female companion at all Party events and you must be physically affectionate with her in public. Females are free to act homosexual with any other female. Republican men are especially turned on by this. The Gay Exclusion Clause only applies to men.

2) non-Christians - The Republican Party is not a Democracy, it's a Theocracy. Other faiths, whether they are based on the same God or not, are not welcome. Jews may stand and watch at some events but they are not allowed to interact with Christians. Catholics are allowed Republican status while it is debated if Catholics are really Christians in the same way Baptists are.

3) non-whites - People of any color other than white are not allowed in the Republican Party. Exceptions are allowed for people who come from wealthy black families or politically active black families. Waivers can be obtained by submitting an application to Senator Obama.

4) Professional Educated Women - Women with a career and an education are somewhat frightening to Republican men. Republican men prefer for a woman to walk three paces behind him and take care of him and the house. She is to NEVER make more money than he does.

5) Pro-Choice people - Republicans will NEVER accept a pro-choice person in the party. Republican dogma says that abortion is murder. However, when a woman chooses to have the child the Party will not vote to fund Head Start programs, WIC food programs, and free health care. The Party demands that every woman carry the pregnancy to term, but after that, the mother and baby are on their own.

6) Poor people - The Republican Party will not accept applicants with less than a combined yearly income of $50,000. Anyone with less money will expect government assistance for home loans, health care, and education. The Republican Party would prefer to spend that funding on itself. Also, poor people don't donate to the Party, therefore, they aren't worth much.

If you aren't a member of one of the above groups then CONGRATULATIONS!!! You are now a Republican. Are you glad to be in the Party that represents America!!!!