WalMart Philosophy
My blog post today will be in the tradition of the great philosophers such as Plato, Kahlil Gibran, and of course Garth Brooks. Few things make me ponder the meaning of life like a trip to WalMart. It seems to be a petri dish for the human condition. Every kind of dysfunction is represented at WalMart. I should know, I go there all the time. It's one of the few places in the US where you can find a Porsche parked next to a 1977 Monte Carlo. There are many questions I have that resulted from my many trips to WalMart. I will list just a few.1) Is it considered fashionable for an overweight woman with cellulite to wear white spandex leggings?
2) How many things can they put the NASCAR logo on? Is there really a demand for NASCAR diapers?
3) Is there a weight limit for those Jazzy Scooters(motorized chairs)?
4) If two Jazzy Scooters enter the condiment isle at the same time, who has the "right of way"?
5) Can't you get a ticket for riding your grandkids in the basket of the Jazzy Scooter?
6) Is it necessary to fight for the last Christmas popcorn tin?
7) Do people really buy their living room suites from WalMart? If so, do they have to glue it together according to instructions?
8) What the hell is up with that damned smiley face everywhere?
9) Why is the majority of the book department made up of coloring books?
10) Is there an age requirement to be a greeter? Do you have to be between 80 yrs old and 100 years old? Is being legally blind a requirement?
Well, this is just a few things I have pondered over the years. Personally, I would be willing to pay whatever price is necessary to keep those white leggings off the fat women. I believe that spandex is part of the dress code at WalMart.
I don't have the answers to the above questions. How about you? Do you have any ideas or even additional questions to add?
posted by mariemon at 1:18 PM
2 Comments:
My household refers to Wal-Mart as "Darwin's waiting room." Nuff said.
As for the popcorn tins, there is no such thing as the "last" one. The elves make those tacky things all year long. Things are a little slow in May and June. I think Santa created popcorn tins and various other worthless secret santa gifts, like coffe and mug sets, just to keep the elves busy in the slow months.
You are leaving out one of my favorite attractions at Wal-Mart. This is commonly known as "boon-docking." Boon-docking is when a retired couple travels the U.S. in a huge RV, and instead of parking their trailer on wheels at say, a national park or even a lake with a view, they park at Wal-Mart. This is allowed in all Wal-Mart parking lots, nationwide. It provides a false sense of security for the old folks, and at the same time provides quick and easy access to things like new batteries for their jazzy scooters, hearing aids, and all the white spandex any overwieght old chick might need (of course they come in plus sizes.)
No, Thank You dearest Dali. I don't think I want a "gross" of your WalMart condiments. I do have a suggestion however. You could probably do better business with the WalMart crowd if you market a Fritos flavor instead of peppermint. Maybe package it in a wrapper with a #3 with angel wings around it. Just a thought....
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